Two become one in that nano-orgasmic-second to only roll over and return to their own selves. Two lives walk together parallel, as tracks upon which the train rolls along. Passengers embark and disembark, but the tracks continue to run parallel to each other. That is the harmony of their relationship. That is the purpose of their relationship.

Love is respect. Love begins from the self – respecting the self, adoring the self, obeying oneself. In the strength of oneself lies the wisdom of awareness that a relationship is about being together, respecting each other’s differences. Yet, when the being seeks oneness in a bond, it can only bring pain, for oneness is the breath, but not the body. Oneness is the spirit, but not the individuals’ mind, intellect and ego. Oneness is the consciousness, but not the lessons and experiences. Oneness is the soul, but not the personalities shaped by their karmic destinies. 

While in the body, the one breath, the one spirit, the one consciousness, the one soul that are common threads that form the matrix of humanity pines for communion. It experiences in the moments of true love making. It experiences in the orgasm; and wishes to keep this communion going. But when the bodies part, reality dawns and the next morning begins the journey on separate paths running parallel to each other.

The language we speak to each other is the same, but yet it sounds different because every word can have several meanings. And to each one their meaning is the most accurate, and the other’s seems incomprehensible. This is the funny part about language. We say the same thing, only differently. Each piece of the jigsaw puzzle seems similar to the other, but each fits in differently to complete the jigsaw puzzle.

We are all wired differently based on the journey chosen by our soul. Yet, it yearns for all things common when two lovers meet, when marriage happens, when the child is born. The soul yearns for the communion in spirit even though the bodies indicate separateness. Or, is it the mind, intellect, ego pining for the perfect relationship based on the perfect romance of love stories, the perfect couple in the movies, the perfect friendship in TV shows. What we see around seems perfect, but what we live in seems imperfect.

We strive for pastures that appear greener on the other side. Alas! It is all an illusion that pleases the crazy triad, raising amongst them unfair goals, disrespect in relationships and divorces. If we recognize and honour the fertility of our own pastures, we can always bring the best out in our relationships. It can be tough, especially if he says something that you don’t understand, but he expects you to comprehend accurately. The same applies to us surely when we babble words that he doesn’t understand but our mad hatter triplets keep whispering, that he pretends not to understand, or he is too dumb.

The disrespect you give him, is the disrespect you receive. The disrespect he gives you is the disrespect you return right back to him, with much ado. The source of disrespect is your self. If you don’t honour and respect your self enough, then do not expect it to come back to you. If you do honour and respect your self enough and it does not come back to you then take solace in knowing that it is not about you, but their weakness of personality. Their past may contribute to their high handedness. Compassionately let their meanness pass. No point expecting them to change. All you need to do is change the way you look at the situation. This means that you really need to not look at it as they attacking you, but they being so weak that they fall prey to that part of them that is stuck in a rut of disrespectfulness.

Silence is the best anecdote for toxic darts aimed at you. If you do not like their words, or their tone simply switch off the conversation, and allow music to sooth your jarred nerves. If you cannot play music, then hum a tune in your mental space, and allow the trinity to be dragged into your Shakti space where they will be silenced.

If you don’t play the music then they will empower each other and poison your mental space with anger, irritation, frustration and add a bit of hatred. However, if the music floods the mental space, then anger is momentary and compassion is the way forward. 

There are times when I just don’t understand the husband, but I have realised that he at that point does not seem to understand me too. So, the simple way out is silence. I let him carry on doing hat he chooses too, and I continue doing what I need to. At a later time when there is openness we talk it out, or if it really has lost its value we let it pass by. This is what makes us so made for each other, for we know there is no point fighting a bitter battle and cracking each other’s track, when we can run smoothly, accepting the misfired words and comprehension that follows.

“I think I will wear a plain red top with my jeans for the party tomorrow.”

“I think it is too dull. Wear something brighter like white or the baby pink new top.”

So, in the husband’s head a red top is dull, which in my head is bright; and in his head white or baby pink is bright, which in my head is more muted. Do I get exasperated by his colour-adjective relationships blocks in his mind? Well, it can be annoying at times; but then I look at the brighter side of the situation and see that he wants me to look my best, and therefore decided the colours I should wear for the party. The intent is far more powerful than the words, I say!

But then there are times when what the husband says goes beyond the level of just being annoying. Well then, simply increase the volume. It is not fair if I claim the husband is always the one who says things that I cannot comprehend. Well, I must admit, I think I definitely do make utterances that he does not seem to follow, which can annoy him to the limit of angering him. But then, maturity prevails and he chooses to dissolve his irritation in the newspaper, or then simply watch the news channel or the sports channel. But, we know we don’t want to fight just because, “I don’t know what you say.” We’d rather let the tide pass and celebrate that we are made for each other. 

Life is so much more joyful when you let little misunderstandings pass by and devote yourself to the joys of togetherness. The cutie, lovey-dovey perfect romance looks great on celluloid, but on the journey of life where each one is living through their own scripted books, it is all about acceptance, respect and admiration for each other.

Well, the husband and I are the biggest cheerleaders for each other. We live in the space of mutual admiration, and let bubbles of annoyances burst themselves. And, every now and then we do give each other the license to admit: “I don’t know what you say.” We escape into our respective space, allow the breath to cleanse away the ire, and return to each other, respecting that we are made for each other as husband and wife.