Your Space, Own it!

I accept that I am extremely judgemental, and with age, I am getting stiffer in the mind, body and all else. I accept that I am extremely opinionated, extremely for that matter, and with experience I am getting less flexible in the mind, body and all else. I accept that I do believe that I am on the right side of the wrong happening, and with time I am getting less moveable in the mind, body and all else.

Phew, what a relief to confess my strengths, which in your opinion maybe weaknesses. But then, I don’t go by yardsticks set by others! I love meeting people, observing people, being with people, but, I definitely don’t like them stepping into my territory. I own my space, and I love the space I own in my auric field. After being married, I co-own that space with the husband, who I admit I love to love, and at times when he angers me I wonder why I love to love him as much as I love to love him.

Anyways, back to my territory, my space. I dwell there. Correction, we dwell here in this space together. The greatest gift he gave me is his son from his first marriage. A charming grown up, then 20 year-old. And he too belongs in our space. Nobody else does. And trust me I am territorial. In fact, I feel every woman should be territorial of her territory – her space. Mark it, protect and allow nobody into this space, if you truly want an ever after.

Sometimes I feel ever since I have entered the peri-menopausal phase I have become more whiny, more nagging and more demanding. Yet, when I do introspect, I know I am on the right side of the wrong. Even though spiritually speaking there is no right and wrong, as all is an experience. So, let me correct myself, I am on the right side of my space, as the other is the wrong upon which there is a wall created in the auric space. I wall I know, and others experience if they are sensible, unless they choose to hurt themselves walking into the wall.

There is a lot of crap on unconditional love, embrace all, accept people and situation as they are. They all sound good. However, in my experience they sound good and feel good from cover to cover of a self-help book. The fact is that we are all born with a large, large condition – an expiry date with no warrantees and no guarantees. Thereafter, life with every exhalation and inhalation is a series of conditions that change constantly.

How you feel this moment, does not remain the same the next. How you feel about somebody now also changes. However, if the underlying feeling is a constant with a temporary, “I can like this person,” don’t get carried away over-zealously pretending to like that person because you will hate yourself even more.

I have always heard people say, spread love, accept all. Can you imagine is every radio lovingly accepted every radio wave, can you imagine the chaos we would be listening to?

Every human being is an energy body of vibrations, or vibes as we call it. When that feel within receives discomforting vibes, then go with it. That is a judgement based on feelings. However, if the judgment is based on other people’s opinions, then it is not about the vibe-thing.

This is important to discriminate. For most times, vibrations are picked based on experience stored in the memory. It is alright for the memory to nudge you with a warning signal. Embrace it, be polite, be assertive, and protective of yourself and those who belong to you, because the source of negative vibes is here to destroy your pure space. Trust me!

You know why this will happen, or rather how this happens?

When your feelings say danger, and you still reason with it, a war begins. The inner Kurukshetra. Krishna is telling Arjuna fight the Kauravas and the army. Forget they are family. Don’t look at your relatives and Guru with compassion. Fight the great war as a warrior. Yet, Arjuna sits there in misery prolonging the start of the battle. Krishna has to convince him, and yet he looks at the enemy with compassion.

Your Krishna tells you through vibes, this person is harmful, and yet you reason out why you need to allow them into your space. There is always reason, reasoned by the mind. The more the mind reasons, the further you move away from your feelings. The source of every war is reason, the cause of all peace is feelings of oneness.

Now don’t get carried away with the oneness part. Look at as wholeness! Within the whole of perfection are innumerable imperfections. It takes all to make it a whole and nothing to make it a hole. The flow of philososphy!

Just as this statement happened, it simultaneously made sense. So, this is what the sense is in this statement – When you embrace all, without listening to your feelings you create a whole mess; and when you do nothing to protect and own your space holes are created.

Be protective, take action! Avoid, be sweet, be compassionate, and assert the realm of space.

The husband is such a wonderful peoples’ person that he really forgets the need to honour his space, till we got married, and now our space. My sister-in-law and I keep talking about the need to protect our husbands; and all other women on the same wavelength say the same thing – “I need to be the bad one while my husband loves to get a stick shoved up his bum; and a whole in our space.”

The women who do not have this complain are neither territorial, nor care much about their space, and they definitely believe that they belong to your’s. If you know any such person, draw your lines. The Lakshman Rekha is the line of personal control beyond which you may step out, at your own risk, but definitely do not allow anybody to step into for your own sake. 

The people, who do not understand and respect boundaries are the ones who create havoc in other peoples’ lives. They are the ones who cause a breakdown in relationships, careers; because they have control over you.

Your fortress protects you. 

Call me old fashioned, or sensible, I do not care. I can tell you one thing for sure, being married is a constant work in progress. My Grandmother told me where vessels are together, there is going to be noise, and where people are together there could be noise, or music, depends on the tuning at that moment. So, yes, while I love to love the husband, the husband loves to love his wife; and that does not mean we don’t have arguments. In the midst of harmony, there are a few moments, sometimes a few hours of cacophony of sounds, and then it all returns to normal with love making that is really long from foreplay to orgasm and sperm release. Sometimes, I think we create noise, in order to make passionate love. We make out to make up! Touchwood!

During the bouts of anger, the anger remains within our space. He does not discuss it with anybody, and I discuss it with nobody. This is our rule – Our problems, our solutions! This is because when we turn outwards, beyond our space and vent our anger, share our fight, we give the outside permission to enter our space and influence our thoughts towards the other. Then the solution is not from within, but from the outside. And, in my 20-years’ experience as a Psychotherapist, I found almost 99% of relationship issues to be provoked by others’ opinions.

Every relationship; be it friendship, boss-employee, colleagues, parent-child, husband-wife, should be only and only between each other, with an unspoken code of trust in each other, by each other for each other; and I promise you, your world will be a more beautiful space of spaces.

 It is every wife’s right to be territorial, and every man’s right to enjoy having a territorial wife. Well, let me extend that to every girlfriend, fired, etc., etc., etc. 

You know what, if anyone believes they have a right to enter that space, then show them the wall. If they respect it, they belong to the space they should belong to, if they don’t let them fall out of your zone completely, without apology.

Every home is made of the public space and the private space. The public is the drawing room, hall, or whatever you call it. The private space is the bedroom, which is even more sacred than the altar at home.

Since, I am extremely territorial, I respect everybody’s private space. I don’t enter their bedroom, unless, and until there is a compulsion (maybe they have only one restroom, which is in their bedroom; or I am staying with them, and I need to borrow something and they need me to enter the room to make a choice; or then a private chat is required, as per their request). In my home, I am particular about nobody entering our bedroom, too. It is our sacred space. Our space where we share intimacy. Other’s are not a part of our intimacy. We both neither experiment in lovemaking, nor enjoy orgies. Anybody else, beyond our son on that bed means an orgy.

Your space, your energy field is a sacred, and the one you share with the one you love to love, maintain that intimacy. Every human being is born with a sixth sense, some actively activated, others passively activated. We are all beings of vibes – all vibrations, so guard your space.

When you feelings say, “Don’t like this being in my space, honour it, and assertively draw your Lakshman Rekha.” They’ll either respect your boundaries, or walk away, either ways you are fine.

When you allow others who do not belong to your intimate space, into that terriroty, you will hate them, but you will hate yourself even more. You have power of assertion, but you choose to be weak and trampled upon. Love all, but not at the cost of your self-preservation, and sanctity of your relationship.

Between the husband and I, many would want to hold a priority position; higher than where I am. However, between the husband and I there is space for only us, and our son; with respect to our own independent space within our co-owned space of belongingness.

I love the husband’s sister, because she is my strength when it comes to us. She always assures me that our space is sacred and I am on the right side of the protective wall; just as she is on the right side of her protective wall.

So, it is alright to be more judgemental with age, more opinionated with experience, more belief in yourself that you are on the right side of the wrong happening; as long as it is all about being territorial about your intimate space in every relationship.

So, while perimenopause can make one cynical, it surely makes one wiser too.

Bringing on you crazy hormones!

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