It always begins the way it ends
The end of the old, marks the beginning of the new. Why does it have to end to begin? Or, rather why do we believe it ends to begin? I feel it is all a continuum. It just continues from there on. Like the end of a year continues into the next year. It’s just another date on the calendar – a change in the digit at the end. While the beginning digit constantly changes from day-to-day.
We all get excited about New Year’s Eve – probably the biggest evening of the year, after the birthday, anniversary, pet’s birthday, Valentine’s Day, etc. Things are different when the husband is not on the same page as the rest of the universe, where celebration is concerned. His excuse being, “The next day is a working day.” And, if the next day is a holiday – weekend day, then the excuse gets even better – “I am so tired, as the week was so hectic.”
So, for the transition from 2018 to 2019, I thought let’s do it differently. We shall do nothing at all. Sit on the bed, just as every day; watch Netflix and sleep as soon as the eyes shut. No forcing the eyes to remain open, even though it could be closer to 00.00 on the digital clock. I just wanted to figure out if it really makes a difference whether we party in the new year, or sleep through the time of transition.
So, here is what happened – He woke up at 7.00 am as usual, sipped his tea, sat on the pot with his bff – his phone for 30 minutes, brushed, shaved, bathed, got dressed, prayed, ate breakfast, woke me up – wished me Happy New Year with a couple of wet kisses, said, “Take care, we’ll meet in the evening.” Off he was to work. Just the same way as he’s been going – no change. The year changed, but it is all the same, continuous routine.
For me, nothing changed, too. I got out of bed as soon as the husband left, went to the pot, emptied myself, washed my face, brushed, did my neck exercises, applied my vitamin C serum, skin tightening cream. Walked myself to the comfortable couch, checked my phone as I sipped on herbal tea, ate my fruits, read the paper and off to the gym. This all was same as what I did up to the very last day of 2018.
In fact, on 31st December 2018, at 9.30 am, I ate diced kiwi and dragon fruit for breakfast; and guess what?! On 1st January 2019, at 9.30 am I was given diced kiwi and dragon fruit for breakfast. See, nothing changed from the old year to the new year. It is all a continuation.
I feel the entire end of old and beginning of new is hogwash. It is all an illusion to please the mind that does not ever seemed pleased with change. The concept of old and new, seems to have a calming effect, because of the training we give our minds right from childhood.
But, come to think of it, it is all a continuation, because life is the same, throughout life.
Just like, we always believe the end of being single is the beginning of being married. Well, you are in continuation of being the person you are. Yes, you will attempt to make changes with the want to please your spouse. However, you are just the same before you ever met them. The truth is you continue to be.
This holds truer for the end of the regular periods and the beginning of the end of your regular periods – you know what I mean – Perimenopause, or should we just call it menopause? You are just the same person, who had regular periods, and is going through a transition. You are basically transitioning, not from an end to a beginning, but a phase of transition.
Believe me it gets easier to look at it this way! Just as I found it easier to transition from 2018 to 2019 without the party hullabaloo; I slept through that one and woke up carrying on with the usual. It’s all a mindset, even when the hormones prefer to challenge you.
So, another thing that remains a constant for me is menopause. It started in mid-2018, and on 1st January 2019, it’s still the same state. 23.59 on the clock on 31st December 2018 did not bring an end to anything. 00.00 on the clock on 1st January 2018 did not bring a beginning to anything. It was, is and continues to be the same, with maybe a few alterations, as the year goes by. Alterations, shifts, changes, are all part of the continuum, with no endings and no beginnings.
I do not know whether my love for my husband is making me as cynical as he is; or is it the dryness I am experiencing because of minimal oestrogen production. Whatever it maybe, I don’t think an old part of me died and a new cynical part is born. It’s just a transition from being young and spontaneous to being mature and disciplined.
Putting it in this perspective surely makes me smile; and accept the hot flushes, the let’s-watch- Netflix-and-sleep-early-365-days-a-year (there are intervals when guests come over, or we are travelling); me in continuum travelling from one phase to the next, where 5-days-a-week workout keeps the needle in constant position, rather than dipping towards the lighter end of the scale. It is all a transition, and not an end to the beginning.
Everyday is a transition from the last to the next. Live it for what today is.
The best resolution for the new year is to make a resolution; each day to transition from one-moment-to-the-next with smile. It all passes by without end and beginning.
So, husband, every day in the calendar is just another day on the calendar. I think at least I just grew up, as you told me to in the last heated monologue you spat out at me.