No matter what the face creams, lotions, serums, treatments, procedures; the resultant glow is temporary lasting from treatment-to-treatment. Well, I know I glow because the husband supports me and I drink a lot of water. 

A supportive husband combined with lots of water really detoxifies the mind and body, and allows you to be free and happy. The husband supporting his wife is one part of the whole, because a loving, caring, compassionate wife definitely makes the husband extremely supportive. The problem is that expect so much from others, and yet we reluctantly look into ourselves and truly face how much less we give to them. And, to them I just don’t mean the spouse, but every relationship, be its parents, siblings, relatives or friends. Even if we do extend ourselves to serve them, we do it calculatedly, expecting returns.

While I was courting my then friend-who-became-my-steady-date-who-then-enrolled-to-commti-to-me-then-got-engaged-to-me-and-then-became-the-husband-I-adore, he unabashedly revealed to me where he thought he faulted his first marriage. I fell in love with him the second time I met him, because we spent two hours getting to know each other, and during those two hours he stripped himself and revealed to me his weaknesses, rather than gloat about his strengths. He not even once spoke a word against his first wife.

What courage and honesty! How could I not want to marry this man!

Well, in addition to that he also said that all of what he did in his first marriage was him being himself. He never believed in romance, surprises, movies, spas, date nights; while she demanded it all. He could never meet up to her expectations, because he wanted to achieve so much, to fulfil the dreams he had for him, his ex-wife and son. 

When he earned it all, and beyond his ambitions, he lost the family he worked so hard to materially fulfil. He candidly confessed that he went chasing dreams, taking for granted his family. 

Now that he realises his mistakes, he wants to make amends in a new relationship. 

I felt bad for him, and yet I understood the possible emotional upheavals of his ex-wife. For a while, the psychotherapist in me sat at that table and explained to him that any wife would feel dejected, and would search her happiness wherever she could find it. “Life always offers opportunities to rectify the past,” I assured him.

That date was followed by many dates till the wedding happened. We would discuss marriage goals, expectations, needs, wants, desires, dreams, all of it. But then as everyone experiences being married, the joy of togetherness exists till the honeymoon phase lasts. When reality of daily life steps in, then it’s the really marriage. The real marriage brings in difference of opinion, daily stress, misunderstanding, misfired communications, want for the other to change to fit the mental glove we create for the relationship, so many factors attack the joy of being married.

However, we’ve not let the mundane water down the passion being married, because we both set some ground rules, which are as follows:

1. When the husband leaves for work, we must always smile, hug, embrace and kiss each other, wishing each other a good day.
2. While the husband is at work, no worrying discussions, or problems to be discussed on the phone.
3. When the husband returns home in the evening, he comes back to a wife fresh, smiling and welcoming.
4. Prior to dinner all discussions to happen, and solutions to be discussed. Yes, we avoid dwelling on the problem. If there is a problem, we put it across, sometimes in a sentence, sometimes describe it, then head straight to solving it.
5.  If we argue at all, we are not sleep over it. We need to sleep peacefully, with a smile, wishing each other a good-night-with-sweet-dreams; and embrace each other till we need to turn naturally to sleep the night through comfortably.
6. Not to sulk through annoyed chattering of them mind, but to openly thrash it out with each other.

Our six rules keep the husband happy for sure. If he’s happy, then he is extremely supportive; and his supportiveness gives me confidence to achieve all that I effortlessly strive to. 

The marriage is a wheel that rotates each day. There may be days when a puncture happens, but all you need to do is repair. There may be days when the passion is less, then you need to inflate it. There are times when the wheel lacks the will of momentum, then enjoy it’s steadiness. There are times when wheel needs to function for other; enjoy doing it together for them. There are times when the wheel is worn out, well then its fine to sit back and do nothing. On such weekends we just binge watch shows and movies. Sometimes one part of the wheel may want to do something that may not appeal to the dynamism of the other part. Well, then this time accommodate them, for next time they will surely accommodate you. 

Marriage is not a compromise, but a series of adjustments. Marriage is an opportunity to learn something new every day, add new facets to your personality, modify your thought process, change yourself, discover your yourself, dive in deep into your being. Marriage is happy, when improvisation is the name of the game.

The problem is that we fault others for their weaknesses, simply because we see a false reflection in our mirror. The spouse is always wrong. Well, one thing is for sure that you cannot always be right!

Befriend your weaknesses and they’ll fly away so that strengths can be accommodated. When the husband points out to a fault I have that glares at him, momentarily I am annoyed; but then three deep breaths and I acknowledge graciously what he says, so that I can rectify it, or ignore it if I am fine with it. His opinion cannot disturb my peace of mind and shatter it to pieces of the mind, it can create a little turbulence, but then I look at it as an opportunity to improve, if I agree.

I may sound subservient to the husband, but just because I am open to changing myself. However, I really am not an inferior being; and my husband is definitely not a superior being. We are two halves of a whole. We are equals, even is our disparities. We are even in our odds. We are opposites of the same pole. We a two extremes of the same pendulum course. We are two ends of the spectrum. We are two peas in the same pod. We are two incompletions of the completion.

This is not just the husband and me; but this is every relationship. Nurturing and understanding the contribution of each in a relationship harbours peace, even in times of the storm.   

The forties with the perimenopause can be turbulent. Yet, finding purpose in the turbulence needs a lot of support. An open dialogue of whatever you are going through helps the husband understand better. He knows the impulsive, crazy reactions are simply bubble that come to pop. The hormones let it out, and you just need to express it. The husband looks, ignores and moves on, as though nothing happened. This is because he knows that somethings are beyond the control of sanity and it is okay to let out the steam created by those crazy hot flushes.

I love the husband so much that the love I envelope him in compels him to love me that much more. We are all here to love for the sake of love. The more you love, mindfully, respectfully, the more it bounces back to you.

Remember love does not make you submissive, but it makes you mindfully assertive. Love allows you to express yourself. The husband is the cloak and the wife is the crowning glory. 

Unfortunately, every relationship is founded on, “What can they do for me; rather than what can I do for them. I saw in the husband when I met him, a young boy in search of love. He was seeking a friend, philosopher, guide who would not dictate terms to him, but respect him for who he is, so that he can surrender into the arms of warmth and security. I looked at his needs from me, and I know that he did the same. 

Devoting your life to make others happy is living a happy and fulfilled life. Don’t allow the selfishness of the ego, the self-centredness of the intellect and the self-obsession of the mind to keep asking. Instead allow the gentleness of the child within appeal to the innocence of the inner child of the other to complete a relationship, so that their support brings the internal, eternal glow to illuminate your very presence. 

While I stand strong, firm, lovingly awaiting my husband to return home after work, each evening; the husband walks supportively nudging me to pursue my dreams. This happens so naturally, because neither of us feel inferior, nor superior to each other. We are partners, who complete each other. We don’t let thoughts poison our bond, but we allow feelings to guide the way.

The man I married keeps telling me, “My dream is to fulfil your dreams.” And I say to him, “My dreams are set in your dreams.”

He does not impose his opinions, yet I respect his feelings. He does not need to tell me what not to do, because I am always aware of what makes him happy. He is firmly rooted on the ground of his laurels, and he basks in the glory of my love. 

This is only, because I am not blinded by the pseudo-feministic perspectives of this day and age. I believe a woman of substance is one who owns her womanhood with arms of compassion outstretched to embrace her world, which includes her career, family and friends. I celebrate being woman, by allowing myself to me that strength, courage, assertiveness, confidence, love, compassion, empathy that permeates into every relationship; be it the husband, parents, sibling, relatives, friends, colleagues, the home-help or whoever else it is. 

The husband’s support keeps me glowing, even more. Add to that lots of water, and the mind and body are completely detoxified, constantly.